Dear Diary (snort!)

 

photo by Jill via PhotoRee

I’ve never really done the whole keeping a diary thing. I did try when I was much younger but my little sister and I got the same diary for Christmas with the same key and well, it ended badly. Soon everyone knew that I LURVED the boy in my class more than chips or even Wagon Wheels. Kids can be cruel!

Anyway, because I am up ridiculously early as usual, want to blog and can’t think of anything interesting I am going to write a diary for the last week.

Dear Diary (snort!)
It’s been a long time since I wrote to you, blame you know who.
Anyway, last week was a very odd week.
First of all my long awaited chocolate brown suite arrived… in boxes with assembly instructions. Yes really. In truth I should have just given up on the week there and then. Being the independent and strong woman I am, I panicked, got my neighbour to come and have a look and then threw the instructions at Roy when he returned and made him sort it because “I just caaaaan’t!”.
I turns out it was just the feet that needed attaching but that’s not the point, who sends a new suite IN A BOX?

Ikea delivered my furniture order though and that was just box upon box of shiny loveliness. Fortunately for my bank balance there isn’t an Ikea I can get to so I am limited to what I can buy online. The whole point and click aspect of internet shopping is just asking for trouble if you ask me. I really do think I need another Trofast unit to go under the stairs…

Friday was fun! I woke up, stood up and fell down. I stood up again, walked forward hit the door frame and fell down again. Fun times! After a while I gave up onthis game because no-one should have to endure the room spinning thing without having had the benefit of getting pie-eyed first so I just moved on to throwing up. Nice! Fortunately Roy was off work so took over the school run and everything while I lay bleating on the new sofa, stroking it’s brown loveliness and calling out pitifully for water. Good times.

By Friday afternoon  I actually felt much better. Roy encouraged me to go for a shower (I think the smell was starting to get a little too much) and I felt great when I came down. Then the phone rang, I was Kieran’s school, could I pick him up early as he was unwell. When I got there he was on the carpet in the middle of the floor, covered in a blanket and fast asleep. Poor lamb! All weekend he suffered with severe headaches and high temps on and off. I suspect it was his way of fighting off the bug I obviously couln’t.

On Sunday we were all shattered so it was a PJ day. Kieran spent most of the time building with Lego. He built our house, a garden and even included a while picket fence. Ok he forgot the door but he is 5yr old, I’m more impressed with the fence! I got told to go away for a while so that Roy and co could do some secret stuff (it’s not that secret, they were buying my Mother’s Day present from the UNICEF inspired gifts page. I have no idea what it is they’ve bought in my name but I’m very excited about all of this!).

All said and done it’s been a mixed week but we’ve come out of it ok and with shiny new furniture.
You can’t ask for better than that really can you?

Love
Nicki x

 

Dear So and So: The hormonal edition

Dear Facebook people
I have done something remarkable today.
I have un-friended or hidden from view Damn Auto Correct, Absolutely Madness and all the other similar funny apps and pages. I’m so into having a giggle but I’d lost sight of the social part of social media as far as Facebook goes.
Now I can see PEOPLE!
Her who likes to interact x

******

Dear the snotty teenager that called me a curly haired freak outside Tesco.
I went to school with your Mother.
Now who is laughing Mr Cool Dude with the cackling friends!
Love her who doesn’t take crap from people who can’t pull their trousers all the way up over their pants x

******

Dear body.
What?? Wrong time of the month, stinking cold, sore coccyx.
I’ll do you a deal, I’ll continue slimming and working out in an effort to make you look better and you reciprocate by making me feel nice. Deal?
Her who may be slightly hormonal

*************

Dear people who continually private message me or DM asking me to promote your product, page or RT/share something important that will help your business.
Please stop.  It is akin to annoying spam.
If I DM’d you constantly and begged you to plug my copywriting services I imagine you find this annoying.
It is the same thing.
Her who is tweaking her followers and friends accordingly.

******

Dear Delivery Gentleman
You are too old to be playing knock and run.
Try this.
Knock.
Wait thirty seconds….(1 elephant, 2elephants, 3 elephants)
Knock again
Wait.
Then put the card through.
Ok?
Thanks
Her who is sick or rearranging deliveries.

*****

Dear anyone else feeling hormonal &  cranky
I have to recommend Caitlin Moran’s book, How to be a woman. Bloody genius!
Just don’t read it on a packed train as people get alarmed when you have spontaneous bursts of belly laughter or mutter and snigger under your breath,
Enjoy!

Dear So and So...