Dear So and So: April 20th 2012

Dear Fashion World.
Why, when bra shopping, do all of the decent not-too expensive bras have padded cups.
Really? At DD do I look like I need padding?
Steel girders is what I need,
NASA grade anti-gravity technology is what I need,
Padding, I do not.
Love her who can only assume the padding is to keep the *girls* warm in this unpredictable British climate.

Dear Rain

Kieran reminded me of a lovely rhyme to make you go away and come back another day.
It never worked when I was a kid so I’m trying my own version…
“Rain, rain…. piss off!”.
Love her who loves the rain really but not on the school run or for seven days solid.

Dear Taylor
Poor man! First a severe ear infection, then cutting back teeth, then a nasty allergic reaction to the antiobiotics you had for the ear infection leaving you looking like you have measles and more teeth.
You really are having a crap fortnight darling, I hope it gets better soon.
Love Mummy xxxx

Dear Kieran
Well done sunshine, you rocked this week’s swimming lesson. The practicing we’ve been doing has helped!
Just a minor point though…
Telling the little girl in your swimming class there “is no such word as can’t” and “You just need to practice more and you’ll get it” sounds better coming from my mouth to you, than your mouth to someone else.
Love Mummy xx
(Who is hoping she doesn’t get duffed up in the changing room by an angry 4yr old)

Dear Garage
Thanks for letting me book our car in for the MOT.
Thanks (again) for deciding not to ring me as instructed with the result and instead opt to wait to speak to “the man of the house”.
Thanks (read with increasing sarcasm) for sounding shocked when I rang you to see if there was an update and actually talking to me (a woman!) about it,
Thanks (dripping with sarcasm here) for starting the conversation with “Well… there is a fair bit of work to do, it could be costly”.
All the same, thanks (genuinely) for managing to find a way to do it for £300 ish, I expected it to be much more.
Love her who has brains and breasts and hates MOT time x

Dear Council
Sending men with lawnmowers to cut the grass on the Flatts at 9pm at night in the pitch black.
Really? It took me ages to work out what the noise was.
And also, why so late?
Is it cheaper to cut grass wonky at night than straight during the day? If so keep it up and reduce my council tax, if not…. pack it the hell in, it’s annoying!
Nicki
Dear So and So...

Dear So and So: elephant p0rn, odd boots, cakes and more

Dear Self.
You remembered the cakes for the bake sale, the animal board game homework, 50p for Sports Relief, money for the Easter lunch next week, packed lunches, drinks, bags etc AND got to school on time.
It is a damn shame you didn’t realise you were wearing odd boots until you were half way home.
Her who actually finds this quite amusing.

Dear people who make underhand sarcastic comments.
Stop.
You are making a fool of yourself.
I am so much better at them than you, so much so that you haven’t realised I’m doing it.
Have you?
Love her who knows you are having to think back very carefully on recent conversations.

Dear School.
Today: Bake sale (to give cakes in and attend after school), Easter egg tombola (donate an egg and attend and spend), 50p for Sports Relief and sportswear, Easter lunch money, Phonics lesson (for parents!) at 2.30pm, homemade animal board-game to hand in….
Seriously?
I can’t remember which boot goes with which, this list is asking for trouble on one day.

Dear little sister
Thank you for bringing round the gorgeous buns for Kieran’s class bake sale.
I have of course passed them off as my own to the school though did tell some Mums they were yours.
Well I meant to say but I might have forgotten.
I can’t remember.
Anyway – thanks for the buns you may or may not have made for my son’s bake sale.
Love your ever grateful big sister x

Dear illnesses.
PISS OFF!
Kieran has had severe catarrh for week resulting in sudden onset high temps, headaches and neck pain, I have severe tonsillitis resulting in not being able to eat and feeling shocking, Roy has a nasty bug resulting in him only drinking for 36hrs and looking shocking.
Taylor isn’t ill *touch wood* but all this has resulted in him being mightily annoyed at how miserable the rest of us are.
Time to move on,
Thanks.

Dear Kieran.
Stepping away from my slightly bad mood self, Daddy and I are SO proud of you.
Your parent’s evening report was really good and we are thrilled with the little man you are becoming.
We love you (and so does Taylor).
Love Mummy x

Dear Readers,
It amazes me that you keep coming back. As always if there is something you’d love to see on C&C (and the answer to the person who previously emailed asking for elephant p0rn is a resounding no!) drop me an email via the contact box.
Have a good weekend all!
Nicki x

Dear So and So...