dear so and so Archives - CURLY AND CANDID

Dear Ebay Twonk
You have mistyped your mobile number and I am getting calls about the scooter I have for sale.
Some call twice to prove that THEY didn’t dial incorrectly the first time (thoughtful of them).
Please remedy immediately because if I have to repeat “Yes I’m sure I don’t have a scooter for sale” one more time I may forget that I am a lady.
Regards Her who is trying to work and is fed up of answering questions about a scooter (Dammit!).

Dear Shoppers (and C64 fans)
10 Print “Being first to the reduced counter does not make everything yours”
20 Goto 10 PRINT
Love the inner geek who will not be thwarted at the reduced to clear section.

Dear Self This house is not going to pack itself.
“I’m watching old episodes of Dallas”
“I think I have a splinter” and
“It is bad luck to pack prior to the week before moving” are NOT valid excuses to leave everything to the last minute.
Love, her who really does enjoy packing, deep, deep, deep down inside.

Dear Boy
If I did bare my chest at you when you tooted your horn, stuck your head out of the window and yelled.. “Show me your tits!”, well you would be rendered blind so be thankful I just ignored you.
PS I’m pretty sure your Mum drops your youngest sibling at the same school my son goes to.
I really must pop and say hello to her.

Dear Scales
Reading “Error” every time I step on even though I have replaced your batteries is not funny and is not clever.
Just so you know.
Her who ate all the pies, cakes,biscuits, crisps, bread rolls, yogurts…….. Dear Readers Have a great weekend and try and stay out of trouble! Love her who will be watching Dallas with a splinter in her finger 🙂

Dear Self:

Friday to-do list:

A whole bunch of articles (Need to get a new keyboard)
A few more articles (no really, the old one is tired out)
Email X, Y and Z (don’t get chatting gobby!)
Chase invoices (Get pitchfork sharpened)
See previous to-do list and complete anything not finished (what? It’s half term!)
Stop wasting time writing pretty to do lists and start ticking things off (I like pretty lists, so shoot me)
Finish early and submerge yourself in Lego, art and craft and fun.
*Start at number 1 and work your way down. Do not start at 7 and work up!

Love her who knows you well x

Dear Self
Discocunt is NOT the same as discount and your client won’t find this as funny (you big child!) as you do.
Likewise, “Assess” and “Asses” are not two words to mix up.
Clearly when working hell for leather spell-check is your friend!

Dear Self
Please remember to curb the urge to end your important work emails with a kiss, even if you do love the client because they pay on time. You may find it sweet, they will think you are an odd-ball.
Love chuckling self x

Dear Self
Searching for “pretty noticeboards” on Google and Pinterest is not the same as “ordering essential office furniture”.
Just saying 🙂

Dear Self
Your official work title is “Freelance Writer and Editor”, not “Freelance Mistress of the Universe”, regardless of what the picture on your noticeboard says.
Love, your eye-rolling self x

Dear Self
When proclaiming that the person you have just spoken to on the phone is a “completely clueless twonk” please ensure that you have actually hung up.
Awkward!

Dear Self
Repeat after me…
“Chewing the end of pens is disgusting and you will end up with a mouthful of ink”
“Chewing the end of pens is disgusting and you will end up with a mouthful of ink”
“Chewing the end of pens is disgusting and you will end up with a mouthful of ink”
Got it?

Dear Self
Remember to pick up some more pens, you are nearly out.
Also, maybe some chewing gum?
Love your blue mouthed self

Dear Self
Working for yourself really is brilliant isn’t it?
Love, contented self x

Have a great weekend all!

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Dear So & So

Dear So and So – the working edition