Dear So and So – the working edition

Dear Self:

Friday to-do list:

  1. A whole bunch of articles (Need to get a new keyboard)
  2. A few more articles (no really, the old one is tired out)
  3. Email X, Y and Z (don’t get chatting gobby!)
  4. Chase invoices (Get pitchfork sharpened)
  5. See previous to-do list and complete anything not finished (what? It’s half term!)
  6. Stop wasting time writing pretty to do lists and start ticking things off (I like pretty lists, so shoot me)
  7. Finish early and submerge yourself in Lego, art and craft and fun.
    *Start at number 1 and work your way down. Do not start at 7 and work up!

Love her who knows you well x

Dear Self
Discocunt is NOT the same as discount and your client won’t find this as funny (you big child!) as you do.
Likewise, “Assess” and “Asses” are not two words to mix up.
Clearly when working hell for leather spell-check is your friend!

Dear Self
Please remember to curb the urge to end your important work emails with a kiss, even if you do love the client because they pay on time. You may find it sweet, they will think you are an odd-ball.
Love chuckling self x

Dear Self
Searching for “pretty noticeboards” on Google and Pinterest is not the same as “ordering essential office furniture”.
Just saying 🙂

Dear Self
Your official work title is “Freelance Writer and Editor”, not “Freelance Mistress of the Universe”, regardless of what the picture on your noticeboard says.
Love, your eye-rolling self x

Dear Self
When proclaiming that the person you have just spoken to on the phone is a “completely clueless twonk” please ensure that you have actually hung up.

Dear Self
Repeat after me…
“Chewing the end of pens is disgusting and you will end up with a mouthful of ink”
“Chewing the end of pens is disgusting and you will end up with a mouthful of ink”
“Chewing the end of pens is disgusting and you will end up with a mouthful of ink”
Got it?

Dear Self
Remember to pick up some more pens, you are nearly out.
Also, maybe some chewing gum?
Love your blue mouthed self

 Dear Self
Working for yourself really is brilliant isn’t it?
Love, contented self x

Have a great weekend all!

Dear So and So...

Dear So and So – June 1st edition

Dear Gent (I use the term lightly) in Tesco.
“I probably wrote my list before you” does not entitle you to the last salmon. Especially when I had it in my hand first.
Waving sweaty armpits at me is not a form of intimidation (but really, thanks), and you should have known from my steely expression that I was not letting go.
Snorting and chuntering off to the fish counter to find more salmon without chuntering things such as “Bloody stupid woman” would have been more polite but it’s ok…
The salmon was delicious regardless of your social ineptitude.
Her who just loves her salmon.

Dear dog owners.
Would it be socially acceptable for me to drop my pants and poo on your front doorstep? No, I didn’t think so!
When you have a dog you have certain responsibilities, scooping is one of them.
Her who just loves cleaning dog poop from pushchair wheels (read with a sarcastic tone).

Dear Kindle cable.
You are the only cable that is white, so why are you so hard to find?
I have recommended those dirty books to just about everyone but haven’t read them myself yet! This is inexcusable! Please reappear!
Her who enjoys a bit of porn without pictures as much as the next gal.

Dear Kieran
What a day for you yesterday! Rushed to hospital with suspected appendicitis to later be able to run up and down the corridors. I’m so glad you are ok (though would have liked to have got to the bottom of the hour-long stomach holding and screaming). Let’s try today for a little less drama.
Mummy with grey hairs on grey hairs on grey hairs x

Dear Taylor.
The time has come to become a man. Today you get your first haircut and all those baby curls are getting the chop, mainly because you just can’t see with all that hair. Do Mummy a favour and see if you could grow some of them back will you? Kieran didn’t but I’m holding onto the hope that you will.
Love Mummy who hates how fast you guys are growing xx

Dear all
Have a bloody fantastic flag waving a food consuming long Jubilee weekend, whatever you have planned.
Love me x

Dear So and So...