Dear local dog walkers.
Do not be concerned if you see me pooing on your doorstep, I’ll just be returning the favour.
You see, nothing brightens my day more than you letting your pooch poo outside my house so I can stand in it or or have to to play slalom with the pushchair so it’s only fair I make sure you don’t miss out on the same wonderful experience.
Her who is sure even your dogs are embarrassed you don’t bag and bin.
******
Dear lady in town…
I apologise for my smirk yesterday. It was juvenile.
However, the look on your face when your small child asked for a “F***ing cheese straw” was priceless, yet not half as amusing as when he said “What?? You say it to Auntie G all the time, and Sh*t and Bollocks!”.
I’m afraid do as I say not as I do backfired here somewhat.
Her who didn’t realise a face could turn so many colours in such a short space of time.
*****
Dear the inside of my thighs.
I have done two full body workouts in two days (I love the xbox kinect!) and yet you are the only thing that hurts. Yelping “Ooof!” everytime I sit down is getting old now so loosen up!
Please.
Her who thinks walking like John Wayne is going to get those on the school run talking.
*****
Dear everyone on Facebook.
You know those stupid posts where you say the colour of your eyes, the number of orgasms you have in your life and the country nearest the one you went on holiday to last, all of which is meaningless and does nothing to aid the campaign for research and fundraising for breast cancer? Read this. More that a little amusing but very valid too!
Her who things social media can sometime be a great tool for the ridiculous.
******
Dear Taylor,
Walking the full length of the house, turning round, grinning and coming back at not quite 14m? Very funny and clever. Please stop now. Why are you even walking? Aren’t you supposed to be a newborn still?
Love the Mummy who has realised we are hitting toddler-dom. Again.
*******
Dear inbox
You are like a tardis! You look all innocent and normal on the outside but once I open the door and walk inside you are huge. And full. Largely with crap. I spend far too much time shifting through crap which is cleverly concealed as a genuine work email. So, if you have some of deal going on with those sending me pointless crap I suggest you have words with your partner and sort it out.
Her who is no longer a Dr Who fan.
******
Dear all,
Have a great weekend, whatever you have planned.
Her who is doing sod all but enjoying quiet family time.
x
