Dear Gent (I use the term lightly) in Tesco.
“I probably wrote my list before you” does not entitle you to the last salmon. Especially when I had it in my hand first.
Waving sweaty armpits at me is not a form of intimidation (but really, thanks), and you should have known from my steely expression that I was not letting go.
Snorting and chuntering off to the fish counter to find more salmon without chuntering things such as “Bloody stupid woman” would have been more polite but it’s ok…
The salmon was delicious regardless of your social ineptitude.
Her who just loves her salmon.
Dear dog owners.
Would it be socially acceptable for me to drop my pants and poo on your front doorstep? No, I didn’t think so!
When you have a dog you have certain responsibilities, scooping is one of them.
TSK!
Her who just loves cleaning dog poop from pushchair wheels (read with a sarcastic tone).
Dear Kindle cable.
You are the only cable that is white, so why are you so hard to find?
I have recommended those dirty books to just about everyone but haven’t read them myself yet! This is inexcusable! Please reappear!
Her who enjoys a bit of porn without pictures as much as the next gal.
Dear Kieran
What a day for you yesterday! Rushed to hospital with suspected appendicitis to later be able to run up and down the corridors. I’m so glad you are ok (though would have liked to have got to the bottom of the hour-long stomach holding and screaming). Let’s try today for a little less drama.
Mummy with grey hairs on grey hairs on grey hairs x
Dear Taylor.
The time has come to become a man. Today you get your first haircut and all those baby curls are getting the chop, mainly because you just can’t see with all that hair. Do Mummy a favour and see if you could grow some of them back will you? Kieran didn’t but I’m holding onto the hope that you will.
Love Mummy who hates how fast you guys are growing xx
Dear all
Have a bloody fantastic flag waving a food consuming long Jubilee weekend, whatever you have planned.
Love me x
