Behind Closed Doors – A unexpected post

The great thing about Twitter is that you get the chance to meet and get to know some fabulous people. Wendy is such a person. Known to many of you as @savvymum4autism who writes The Savette Gazette she works tirelessly to educate and promote awareness of special needs and autism, being someone who knows all too well the issues involed as she is a Mum of children with both.

I asked Wendy to write me a guest post and assumed she would write me a fab post about an autism related subject. What she has sent me is very different and quite harrowing. Can I just say Wendy – I know how difficult it was to write this, as you never have before. I applaud your bravery.

This post is something completely different for me and not something I would normally write but when Nicki from curlyandcandid asked me to write a post I thought it would give me the perfect chance to talk about this.

A lot of you don’t know, but I was married before. In fact I was with him 10 years but married for 4 years. Anyway, my life seemed to be going well when all of a sudden after a year of marriage he started to change. First of all it was just subtle changes but never enough for people to notice. He became very domineering firstly telling me that I had no right to opinion and what he said went. This got to such an extent that when I was a home I wasn’t allowed to talk. As time went on his mood/attitude got worse

We never used to have much food in the house and 1 week of food would have to last 2 weeks. It was only later on that I found that he was in fact having meals at work whilst I was at home starving. Then there was the fact he got a job where I worked so now he was literally with me 24/7. He used to come with me to work even if he was on a different shift. Then I would get a 101 questions of who I talked to, what did they say etc, when we got home. He never asked outside the house but when we got home he started.

A first it was just different things being thrown at me if I did or said something wrong, then it got worse. He started pushing me, pulling me. He began telling me what clothes to wear well basically all he would buy was men’s polo shirts which I was forced to wear as he ripped all my clothes.  He then began damaging my personal things. He read my entire collection of diary’s from when I was a teenager and used to come out with extracts from them whilst we were at work. Everyone else thought it was just a joke.

A few months later he started to hurt me, in fact to this day my breastbone hurts where I was laying on a settee and he sat on my chest all 15 stone of him. Then he pretends he was play fighting but this was no play fight he used to punch me in my ribs or the tops of my legs. It got to the stage where he wouldn’t let me out of the house at all. I wasn’t allowed to go shopping, take the dog out, and visit my Grandparents. I was a prisoner in my own home. Well I wouldn’t call it home, it was a house. That was another thing I used to work 12 hour shifts yet I was expected to always keep the house tidy. I wasn’t allowed to cook that was his domain I wasn’t allowed in HIS kitchen.

He destroyed my self esteem so much that I wouldn’t look at people when they talked to me and I spoke in a very quiet timid voice,for years, even after finally plucking up the courage to leave him. Later I found out he was having an affair anyway. It’s the old saying you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

You can see why this touched me. Not the post you would expect from the bubbly Wendy – but as she says, you never see what goes on behind closed doors.

As before, it took a lot for Wendy to share this story, and I thank her. After reading this post I would ask you to visit Women’s Aid. This is a fab service and website with lots of information, support and more to help victims of domestic abuse and their families. If you feel you want to make a donation to the fantastic work they do, please do, if not, be aware of the services they offer and post a link to the website on your Facebook or Twitter. If one person visits and it encourages them to get the help they need, it is worth the few minutes effort.

Wendy will read any messages you leave her in comments, so do take a minute to post a quick hello to her. I know she would appreciate it.

Thank you,

A most humble, Nicki