dear so and so Archives - Page 8 of 15

Dear all who gave their lives to ensure our freedom.

Simply… thank you.

Your sacrifice is not forgotten, not today, not ever.

*****

Dear dog owners

Yesterday morning on our short walk to school we dodged no fewer than SIX piles of fresh dog poo. Seriously?

On the surface I am a really nice person, underneath I am a bitch. Do not let me catch you walking away and not scooping.

Her who is disgusted!

*****

Dear Company

Continually sending out shoddy furniture and then telling me “it’d not from us it’s from the manufacturer” like it doesn’t matter that I ordered via you, really? Don’t you understand that when you put your name to it, essentially it comes from you? Does it not worry you that you are associated with crap furniture?

Her who has your number (And will be ringing again today – trust me).

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Dear medical professionals.

We can cure hideous diseases these days but there is nothing for the common cold or my crippling period pain? I understand the cold thing, I mean look at how many cold remedy companies would go out of business if there was a cold cure. You are saving jobs there and I applaud you, but why haven’t you got a cure for the common period pain?

Just think this over for a bit then head to the lab.

******

Dear Frankie Cockcozza

SNORT (as in I’m laughing at you for being so ridiculously moronic, not because I think drugs are in anyway funny).

Her who is really looking forward to Xfactor this weekend!).

*****

Dear Downton Abbey

Sob, Sob, Sob

I miss you already, hurry up with series 3 folks!

Her who won’t be watching idiots eating bugs instead.

*****

Dear All

I don’t usually “plug” anything in my Dear So and So’s BUT….

Festive Friday has restarted! A fantastic post each Friday from the lovely Christine Mosler who shows us Christmas as it should be, festive and fun. AND… lots of others link up with their Xmas related posts so it’s just a big Xmas fest! Stop being a scrooge and go and have a look at this week’s post and link-ups.

Her who is feeling the Christmas spirit x

Dear Kieran

When I tell you off for putting too big a mouthful of food in when eating, and I wave a whole hash brown in the air and say “what would happen if I put all of this in my mouth at once?”, the appropriate answer is “Choke, Mummy”.

“You will get fat Mummy” with a deadly serious face is NOT the appropriate answer. That will just make Daddy squeak like a pig on a honeymoon and run upstairs so he can have a huge belly laugh at my expense in private.

Ok?

Love Mummy x

*****

Dear Husband

Re: Above.

Getting all the way upstairs before collapsing with gleeful laughter would have worked better.

Just saying,

The Wife x

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Dear Half-Term

I’m sorry but I don’t remember ordering poorly children?

For the first half of the week Kieran has had a hideous cough, now Taylor has a high temp, has been sick and looks set to start with a stinking cough.

The half term is supposed to be when kids get a bit of rest and kick-back time. Please sort something out for the last few days!

Her who loathes seeing her kids poorly!

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Dear Nameless Company

On the 4th September I ordered a gorgeous wooden kitchen table and chairs that was due to come within 14days.

TODAY (so the 14days was a bit stretched) I took delivery of a poorly made, badly finished table (of sorts) which stained the hands when you touched the wood as it wasn’t sealed.

Seriously?

You can now have you table back, along with the letter which explains about customer service standards amongst other things.

Her who has two children and no sodding table!

*******

Dear AppliancesOnline

I love you!

No really, huge smooches from me to you. You have restored my faith in not just good but excellent service!

My new Bosch machine (which I have now stopped stroking and am now using) is just plain beautiful.

Top marks!

Her who is far too attached to what is actually a household appliance!

*****

Dear Coffee Table

You and me need to have a talk about your sticky out edges.

Ok, I know they have always been there but surely, seeing as it’s 2o11 you should have the ability to jump out of the way every-time my not-so-slim legs come bounding your way?

Her with many multicoloured bruises x

*****

And last but not least…

To the very loud teenagers who stood outside my house with your loud voices.

Yes, cider is minging.

No, it’s not cool to lose your virginity to a “skanky boy”

Yes, smoking will make you smell

No, that isn’t a good colour on you,

And yes… it is not appropriate to fookety fook fook fooking or frigging swear outside my house which has small children in it who love to copy things they know will embarrass their parents if repeated in public.

Next time I will go upstairs and drop a bucket of friggety frigging cold fooking water on your sweary heads.

Ok?

Her who is shipping her kids out when they hit 13 and having them returned as well mannered 18yr olds.