I have two good sleepers. Kieran slept through the night from three and a half weeks, Taylor from seven weeks. When I attended baby clinic when Kieran was small I felt I almost had to hide this fact, as if I’d done something wrong. I remember being asked once, after a group of Mums were talking about how tired they were, what little sleep they were getting, how many times I got during the night. And I lied!! “Usually only once, sometime twice” just rolled off my tongue. It felt mean / potentially dangerous to tell this group of sleep deprived ladies that I’d slept uninterrupted for weeks!
Those I did mention it to, and the same goes now even, usually respond with:
Humph!
Now don’t get me wrong, I am NOT saying you are a bad parent if your child isn’t a good sleeper, far from it. Is it not possible though, perhaps just a little that both of mine have slept well in part due to my being able to work a routine that works well with their natures? No? Ah, clearly flukey then!
Own space. Both Boys went into their own cots, in their own bedrooms from day one. This was partly due to a space issue initially but worked so well with Kieran we did exactly the same with Taylor without thinking about it.
The right environment. Nurseries in our house are simple, unfussy, comfortable & dark! We have blackout blinds so regardless of the time, sleeptime is dark time. Each boy liked some music or a light show on briefly before they nodded off.
Routine. I’m a stickler for routine! I need it for me, and the Boys thrive on it. Our bedtime routine is the same every night, after tea a bath, cuddle, story and down to sleep (awake usually, this meant for mine that they could fall asleep/settle themselves down by themselves if they woke early, without needing to be rocked etc).
Sleepwear. Both were swaddled from birth, securely wrapped, feeling safe and warm. My two wrigglers didn’t wear this for long as soon swaddles were exchanged for sleeping bags, fantastic for babes with active legs that just love to kick the bed covers off!!
Most parent’s do the same, or similar, I’m sure, but these work for us, they compliment the Boys’ easy-going & settled nature. Fluke? Maybe… but I like to think I’m doing what’s right for my lads!
Were/ are yours good sleepers? If a baby is an unsettled sleeper, I’m guessing you can’t “fix” this, but perhaps other “flukey” (yes, this label does annoy me actually!), Mums & Dads have hints and tips that might help?
ADDITION: I’m adding this in because one of the comments left by someone I think a lot of, has struck a chord. It appears I’ve come across as a bit of a snot-bag, I just want to re-iterate that I don’t think in any way that someone whose little ones aren’t good sleepers aren’t cracking parents or not as good as me (trust me on THAT one lol). This is important enough to me, for me to add an addition (which I have never done before). Parenting is hard enough without ever being made to feel you are being told you are wrong or crap. This is partly why I’ve written the post, after being made to feel wrong and crap because my two have slept through (damned if you do, damned if you don’t). x
I can’t help being envious. I’m hoping for a sleeper this time as No 1 son just isn’t. I think it’s a little of both as we do routines in a similar way, blackout blinds, swaddled but still my day started at 4:45 today.
I’ve come to the conclusion that with kids you have to work with what you’ve got. The basics are there, we just get to bring out the best & try to minimise the worst.
Don’t be envious- I have every confidence that the fact my two so far have been angels means they will be very much Kevin & Perry when the tender teenage years kick in 🙂
I agree with what you say completely… the basics are there (ie my two are naturally good sleepers) and I am nurturing (and encouraging) this using routines etc that work for them & us. It’s all you can do, but the whole “fluke” and insinuation that I couldn’t possibly be doing something right used to perplex me!
Thanks for reading & commenting!
Sorry to say, I think it was a fluke.
We congratulated ourselves on being wonderful patents when our daughter slept through the night from 14 weeks.
Our smugness wore off when our son arrived and was still waking at least once a night when he was almost two years old.
I think that your tips are great, and are similar to our methods but believe that one either has a good sleeper or not, and this is down to the child’s temperament.
Our daughter is now nine years old and even now seldom wakes in the night while her two years younger brother regularly does. Last night he came into our room twice.
Don’t get me wrong, smug is something I’m not! Sleeping, we are doing grand with, I have had one broken night with Taylor since 7weeks, he is now 6m (6m today in fact – so soon!), we walked toilet training with Kieran, weaning went off without a hitch with K, and so far so good with Taylor. So far, so good…!
That said, like I commented to MummyLimited, they might very well turn out to be little sods come teenage time. In fact, I’m pretty convinced they will be 🙂 I have to believe we have some input parenting-wise, otherwise the parenting book empire would crumble lol! We are here to guide and nurture, working with what is already there. My babes already have the inclination to love their sleep, I’m just fostering that. I just don’t think that’s flukey, I think it’s doing the best with what you have.
I’m not sure to be honest.
J slept through from 6 weeks and S from 9 weeks. Mine had routine, blackout and were in their own from early on. They never had daytime naps in their rooms either. Naps were treated differently to nighttime.
Then S developed silent reflux at around 20 weeks and used to wake regularly for hours. This didn’t stop until he was 2. That’s a whole different issue though.
I have to say reflux is something I know very little about, but it sounds horrific! I’m sure I remember you talking about it at the time?
Thanks for reading and posting x
I only have the one to go by but G slept through the night from the get go, in hospital, surrounded by the noise and hustle and bustle of other waking babies.
Obviously a huge talking point with the other new mums in my ward, i thought it would change when we got home, but it didnt.
For me at the time i just believed it was a fluke, but who was i too complain i was and still am a full time working mum so not being woken 2 or 3 times a night was a godsend.
G is now 7 and has never woken during the night unless ill. Yes i had a routine i pretty much stuck to, but even if i didnt she still slept right through.
Fluke or not, i count myself very lucky that my child loves her sleep LOL
I’m with you 100% lol. The one night Taylor has been up since starting sleeping through was after one set of jabs. being completely unused to being awake during the night, I felt like a truck had run over me the next day. Sleep is a good thing for me, apparently I am a really narky cow if I don’t get a good night 🙂
I see on an answer below you also pose the question of natural sleepers being generic, i am told by my mum i was “a good baby” meaning i slept right through from birth 🙂 so maybe this is a factor.
Then my mum also goes on to say that i spoilt her, as my younger brother was an absolute nightmare sleeper that she just wasnt prepared for when it happened.
So call it a fluke or not, i think certain babies are just predisposed to sleeping well, and we the parents of these babies should thank our lucky stars 🙂
I like you, certainly empathize with not berate any parent who suffers from months of sleepless nights, being a parent is hard enough in the first few months, and i cant imagine how much harder with little or no sleep added into the mix. Hats off to you all xxx
My two have both been good sleepers, going through the night from a young age (although with both of them we did a “dream feed” before we went to bed at night, which we dropped when they were about 5 months).
We did a lot of what you did – strong routine, own room, and although I swaddled my daughter I never thought she got on with it very well, so my son was unsleeping bags from day 1. We also made sure there was a very clear distinction between day and night – if they did wake in he night we kept the lights to a minimum, kept them in their room, and put them back to bed as quickly as possible.
The one thing I believe makes the biggest difference to whether kids are good sleepers is teaching them the ability to “self settle”. This means putting them in the cot when they’re still awake, and leaving them to go to sleep on their own. It also means not racing in to them the minute they cry during the night. Even now the geekson will sometimes moan a bit if he stirs during the night, but it in a minute or so he’s back asleep again.
I’m a big one for self-settling also. Taylor giggles in his sleep, wakes himself up, gurgles then drops back off. I leave him to it (though lay there grinning like an idiot at his cuteness) and am sure if I went racing in he’s 1) wake up properly and 2) want to play!
Ooooh.
It’s a good job I know and like you, or I would accuse of very definitely being smug despite your protestations otherwise.
Much as you dislike being called flukey if your children sleep, do you not think it is worse to (by implication) suggest that mothers of babies that don’t sleep are bad, or at least not as good as you?
Mine slept brilliantly as soon as they were in their own rooms, as 6-7 months. Small boy in particular had terrible colic and didn’t stop screaming for 3 months, let alone sleep. I could not put my children in another room from birth as there is a lot of cot death in my family and I was too afraid.
sxx
Bugger, actually the last thing I wanted to come across as was smug, but obviously failed 🙁
I absolutely do not think parents whose kids don’t sleep are bad or not as good as me (!). I think each to their own, I was genuinely interested in what people though, firstly around the nature vs nurture (a huge topic but basically, will they sleep if they want to, will they not if that isn’t their disposition, regardless of what we do as parents) and secondly, has anyone else found, like me, that they’ve had all sorts of things thrown at them BECAUSE their kids sleep well. From the inference that I bottle-fed purely because I wanted a good night’s sleep to one person joking (I hope) about whether I gave Kieran something to “aid” his sleep.
Sam, having a history of cot-death in the family must be horrific 🙁 That is something I can’t even imagine.
I’ve actually added an addition to the post because your comment has struck a chord x
Like you N, I have two good sleepers that everyone puts down to being a fluke. I put it down to the fact that i actually thought about a routine that was in sync with their natural selves. Both of mine were BF but were never put to bed at what I consider to be an early bed time (5, 6, 7pm) and have slept for at least 10 hours a night. I like my sleep but even I couldn’t sleep for the 13 hours that people assume children will from shortly after birth.
When friends wail that they have been up several times during the night I always discover that said infant was put to bed at 6pm and the parents expected the child to sleep through to 7am!
I know that on those rare nights of broken sleep, I can’t function the next day.
It makes the difference if the kids are natural sleepers to start with. I wonder if it’s genetic? I’m one of 6 siblings, we all slept through very early!
With Tops we did everything wrong and (let her go to bed when already asleep and breastfeed until she was asleep and other) we tried to do different with BB but it didn’t quite work out that way! Luckily we have managed to teach them now to be better sleepers, but I think that you have some great tips there… I just need to remember them next time I have a baby!
Those things aren’t “wrong”, they are what worked for you as a family! They sleep better now for you, thankfully 🙂 In a few years it’ll take a shoe horn to get all our teenagers out of bed lol!
Oh and another baby? Well?! Is there urm planning going on? Well?