After a Twitter chat with fellow pregnant lovely, it brought to mind some of the symptoms and lovely other physical and emotional trials you go through, which of course no-one sees fit to warn you of in advance!
Today’s gory rememberance involves……. a THROMBOSED PILE.
I went to the GP at 37 weeks with a thrombosed pile! Seriously, think a excrutiating third bumcheek. My GP asked me to get up on the trolley and show him. First off, I was a very heavy 37wk-er so getting up on the trolley via a stepstool was well, lets just say, it took ages! One peek and his comment was “My word, that is massive!”. My reply was “I’m assuming you mean the pile, not my rear end!“.
Cue trip to A&E, and the on-call insisted on first calling Maternity to tell them I was here and what was wrong etc before doing anything. On the phone he bellowed “Yes, Mrs Cawood, lives at ****, yes Mrs Cawood, 2 ****** Close, Yes, thrombosed piles, yes piles, very large, anal yes, Mrs Cawood…..“.
The sniggers from everyone in cubicles, was only slightly more obvious than my husband’s who was desperately trying to mask it!
Then he decided we needed a consultant to deal with the problem, so back on the phone, again very loudly “Mrs Cawood, (reeled off my address, full name, DOB), HUGE, thrombosed bile, yes Sir, too large for me to deal with, I would appreciate your input, bigger than anything I’ve seen before” (Seriously – I’m sure at this point I heard someone sobbing in glee down the corridor).
Yes, I made other people in cubicles very very happy!
On the upside once the Consultant came for his “viewing” it was dealt with very quickly and I shuffled off home able to sit straight (almost) for the first time in days. This is quite a funny account (and completely true!) but was anyone else warned about thrombosed piles at Antenatal Class? Damn sure I don’t remember if I was! I suppose between piles, cramp, indigestion and the other unmentionables that come along with pregnancy, we are best kept somewhat in the dark, otherwise no-one would dare get pregnant!!
Does anyone else have any hideous (faintly amusing) tales to share?
You did make me laugh. Yes, its all pretty grim eh? Did anyone else try to 'stretch' themselves (think its call peri-anal stretching or the like) prior to the birth, as recommended by my NCT class???
That picture is hilarious!My waters broke, well I thought they had, in the week before I was due with my first daughter. So we trawled on down to the hospital but the midwife was slightly confused as she couldn't see any obvious..um…breakage. They decided to look closer and called in the consultant and another midwive and I had three of them staring…upwards…with a massive heavy duty torch. It turns out my hind waters had broken, which meant I could go home and wait (I went into labour the next day) but I shall never forget the three illuninated faces gazing up my nether regions.:)
No, think I can safely say I gave that one a miss! I did glance curiously at my vat of veg oil after being told massaging "down there" would help reduce the risk of tearing, just glanced mind. With hindsight on that one I wish 1) I'd listened properly 2) I'd maybe given it a go- because boy did I tear!
Oh Ali! That is absolutely classic! Reminds me of a non-pregnancy appointment I had, a cervical smear. The student doing it (I didn't know she was a student!) "clamped" me open, glared in, scratched her head and said to her colleague, "Is it supposed to look like that?", red-face for me and a C- for her me thinks! I possibly could have handled it better in truth, I'm not sure "Well I've never had any complaints in the past!" was very constructive!Out of curiousity- do they usually have heavy duty torches hanging around the maternity unit?
Hehe, Sorry but I'm sat here giggling now, I can just imagine you sitting in A&E with everyone giggling, Husbands are the worst for it aren't they!
What a brave post. OH came into the lounge to see what I was laughing at though. Don't worry, I didn't let him read it.Lol. There are loads of things that you don't get told or that don't get discussed with regards to pregnancy. It's a shame because it does make you freak out when it happens to you and you think that you're the only one.