I have two beautiful boys. Kieran is 5yrs old and Taylor is 10m. They are just perfect, brilliant, wonderful! They make me laugh and cry (usually after stepping on Lego to be fair), and I wouldn’t swap them for anything.
Clearly however, my family isn’t complete, certainly not for everyone else. You see, I haven’t got a girl. Shame on me! It appears two boys isn’t “quite” right. And surely I want a girl, seeing as I am one? And if not a girl, another baby would be nice wouldn’t it?
No it bloody wouldn’t. As far as we are concerned our family is complete. I fought long and hard through fertility problems to conceive both of them and wear my battle scars proudly. I am a Mum, a position much sought after believe me, but I’ve made it and I believe I’m done. I don’t feel the ache any more. The pull towards having another child. I look at the boys, and I look at us as a family and I think “We’ve cracked it!”. I am content.
When being asked, several times a day, and often more than once a week by the same people, when I am having my next one, I answer politely that I’m quite happy as I am. I often get the standard response..
“Oh that won’t last, you’ll be ready for another soon!”.
Yes it’s chit-chat mostly but occasionally it appears more, as if I am letting the side down by not continually producing babies. People assume because I’m from a bigger family, I will be wanting a big family myself. Being part of a big family was and is bloody fantastic! I was one of six siblings and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Since becoming a mother myself I have quickly become to realise that my Mum must be some kind of modest saint with six of us to raise.
We are comfortable, we all fit nicely in the house, we have our own space, and we are ok financially. Another child would stretch us to be honest. All very cold and practical but that’s life. What we have works, we work and we are happy.
We don’t NEED another child, nothing is missing.
Just thought I’d clear that up for everyone.
Nicki I had problems with conceiving my first, who is now 8. Then number 2 who is now 6 came along quiet quickly. Like you it was assumed that number 3 would follow soon after. But No!! I had post natal depression forcing my husband bless him to be done. So it was never on the cards after that for us to have another. But part of me thinks if I hadn’t had PND would we of had another?? Knowing financially we couldn’t afford it and also being wrong side of 40 would myself and my family if it came to it beable to cope with a child who has dificulties. I’m lucky to have my two boys who are both fit & healthy. Also I had my children because I wanted children, not as a way of getting benefits or a council house!! Like you feel my life is complete. If I do get broody there are plenty of moms at the toddler group I go to who will let me have a cuddle and the boys friend’s moms who are still having babies. Also best part of being a childminder is that there are little ones to cuddle lol.
You just never know what life holds for you do you. Thankfully I’ve never experienced PND personally but I know many that have and I honestly can’t image how hard it must be.
I do the idea of cuddles with cute children you can give back though 🙂
I would love to be able to have more, but it just isn’t to be, people need to learn to be a little more tactful
Sorry to hear that. We would be very unlikely to be able to conceive a third so perhaps it is just as well for us that we do consider our family complete.
Getting pregnant etc isn’t always so simple, the worst comments were those “not pregnant YET?” ones from people who knew about the problems we were having. That twanged somewhat.
I, too, have two boys and have never wished for a girl. Like you I came from a big family – I was the youngest of nine – which means I have plenty of girlie time with my nieces of various ages.
As for the having one of each sex, I’ll leave that up to Noah.
Nice post. x
Thanks x
I did say to one woman “So if we had another, and it was another BOY, what would we do?”. Granted she got me at the bad time of the month but you aren’t guaranteed a certain sex and I wouldn’t want to change that anyway.
I find the intrusive comments from people about more children quite strange, why wouldn’t 2 gorgeous boys count as a family?? My sister has 2 boys and she never wanted more, she loves babies and is a lovely Mum but now her boys are both at secondary school age she’s starting to get freedom in her life and work and is so happy. They are a family and she never wanted a little girl. She enjoys time with her boys.
I always thought I’d be happy with 1 child, then a couple of years ago, when my son was 10, I became pregnant. I now have 3 boys and confess I would like more, I am also from a big family and I love the dynamics of a house full of boys. However, my issue comes with people assuming I want a baby girl. It’s like a baby girl is some kind of doll you can dress up and having a boy isn’t the same. This isn’t my reason for having chidren! I hope I will have another child and I know I will be happy whatever sex it is.
Enjoy your lovely boys x
What a lovely reply. Big families are just fabulous aren’t they.
I think for me is the grating insistence that other people, sometimes mere acquaintances, firmly believe they know what is correct or right for me.
It’s annoying! I’m very grateful for the family I have and that is more than enough for us.
Oh Nicki, you just completely described the dilemma I’m having at the moment!
My first baby is just 11 months old and already I want another. But there’s no way I can manage another, what with trying to run 2 businesses. Plus I need a bigger house first, since one of our 3 bedrooms is my office!
*Sigh*
I’m glad you’ve got it sorted though.
That’s rough Kelly 🙁
Hopefully things will change in the future, if you still want another little-one. 11 months IS a great age isn’t it? Taylor is 10m and if I could freeze him at this stage for just a little while longer I’d be over the moon!
x
I get the same, I’ve got two boys as well and keep getting asked whether we’re going to try for a girl as well now. Especially as youngest has just started full time school, I’m getting it even more now!
“You trying for another one now then?!” Um no actually, we’re happy as we are! 🙂
I have the opposite issue, when i found out i was having Ethan (after having Kayleigh) everyone was like, i bet your pleased you’ve got a perfect family etc etc in the end i asked someone why to have the perfect family you had to have one of each?! It really got on my nerves. You just enjoy your two boys and tell them to stick their comments where the sun don’t shine 😛
Great post Nicki. I had a gorgeous baby boy when I was quite young and his Dad and I divorced not long afterwards. My partner and I have been together 6 years now and not only do people not understand that we don’t really want anymore they are even more horrified about the fact I wont give my partner ‘a child of his own’. In actual fact we are very very happy. My partner is a great step-dad, treats him as his own and my ex husband and I are great friends. I got asked once to explain why I wasn’t having anymore – I actually cant believe why anyone would have so much time on their hands to worry about what goes on in my bedroom. My attitude is if if we are happy, secure and a loving family then we are not doing a bad job. Enjoy your 2 lovely boys 🙂 x
I also had trouble conceiving and have lost three babies, so I consider myself to be fortunate in the extreme to have my son, who is nothing short of a miracle considering what we went through. When people have anything to say about the number of babies I have / haven’t got, I usually give it to them straight: “well, we lost 3 so the little man really is a miracle” etc. Usually puts them off! Harsh, maybe, but you get fed up after a point.
I thought I couldn’t have children. I now have three beautiful girls. I am very bloody lucky. Last year I had to get sterilised for medical reasons and was pretty cut up about the fact I no longer had the capability to bear children. However I’ve now come to terms with it and am very chuffed to have the ones I already have. And yes, I get the same as you but mine is “Oh, wouldn’t you love to have a boy?”…..the answer to that is no….I didn’t want boys. You’re not really meant to say that but hey, it’s just how I feel. I got the children I wanted and I’m more than happy with that. 🙂 xxx
Why can’t people keep their comments to themselves? I have the same thing with only having one (not through choice). Even worse is when they say to my DD “you’d like a little brother or sister wouldn’t you?”. She’d bloody love one!
That is even WORSE! Upsetting the child for no good reason. People just don’t understand what they are dealing with. It could be a whole can of worms.
I’ve spent quite a lot of time thinking up replies to stupid remarks. In reply to: Don’t you want another child? I find saying: Don’t you want to be slim/tall/rich? gets the point across. I refrain from saying pretty/ intelligent/popular or anything else offensive. Don’t you want to be tactful? might work if I were really annoyed.
I am an only child and a very lucky Mummy of 3 sons (after struggling to conceive our first). After every single birth I had comments from friends, family and strangers suggesting that I was disappointed not to have a girl! We have 3 sons because we wanted 3 children, not because I was “trying for a girl”. I still get told “it would be nice though”.
I keep getting asked this as I “only” have 1 daughter. But i physically cant have any more without serious medical intervention, which i dont want and cant afford, I suffered bad PND and dont want to put my family through that again. My daughter is 4 yrs old and I love her to bits. I am happy with my life and my family and wish people could understand and accept that. When people ask when I am having the next one i now say “it’s not possible to have any more kids” adn then THEY feel stupid/guilty rather than me!! people can be very insensitive by their comments and I wish more people would understand the hurt they can cause by their “chit chat”. I was lucky enough to have my daughter. I dont want to ruin what we have thanks very much!! x
I have two boys and recently had a baby girl. Annoyingly people assume I had a third to have her. I didn’t, and having also struggled with infertility, would have been thrilled with another boy.
Basically people should not assume anything.
I knw how much of a struggle you went through and was so pleased when you finally got your 2nd son. I often got asked if i wanted a boy when i was pregnant with my 2nd daughter… but as long as baby was healthy that was ALL i was bothered about. I was pleased with my 2 girls but lots of people thought i’d want a boy… no i get what i’m given lol. I don’t get asked that so much now as i’ve got a step son. So 1 boy and 2 girls. and would people please not ask me when im getting a dog… 3 kids is quite enough thanks 🙂
You tell ’em! Your body, your life!