Dear So and So: The hormonal edition

Dear Facebook people
I have done something remarkable today.
I have un-friended or hidden from view Damn Auto Correct, Absolutely Madness and all the other similar funny apps and pages. I’m so into having a giggle but I’d lost sight of the social part of social media as far as Facebook goes.
Now I can see PEOPLE!
Her who likes to interact x

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Dear the snotty teenager that called me a curly haired freak outside Tesco.
I went to school with your Mother.
Now who is laughing Mr Cool Dude with the cackling friends!
Love her who doesn’t take crap from people who can’t pull their trousers all the way up over their pants x

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Dear body.
What?? Wrong time of the month, stinking cold, sore coccyx.
I’ll do you a deal, I’ll continue slimming and working out in an effort to make you look better and you reciprocate by making me feel nice. Deal?
Her who may be slightly hormonal

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Dear people who continually private message me or DM asking me to promote your product, page or RT/share something important that will help your business.
Please stop.  It is akin to annoying spam.
If I DM’d you constantly and begged you to plug my copywriting services I imagine you find this annoying.
It is the same thing.
Her who is tweaking her followers and friends accordingly.

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Dear Delivery Gentleman
You are too old to be playing knock and run.
Try this.
Knock.
Wait thirty seconds….(1 elephant, 2elephants, 3 elephants)
Knock again
Wait.
Then put the card through.
Ok?
Thanks
Her who is sick or rearranging deliveries.

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Dear anyone else feeling hormonal &  cranky
I have to recommend Caitlin Moran’s book, How to be a woman. Bloody genius!
Just don’t read it on a packed train as people get alarmed when you have spontaneous bursts of belly laughter or mutter and snigger under your breath,
Enjoy!